We Salute You – Mr. Tailgate Cleaner Upper

Workin' At The Car Wash, YeahImage by drp via Flickr

In honor of the Bud Light (yes I went cheap) that I am drinking, I thought I would begin a series of posts about people who deserve the tailgate spotlight, yet unfortunately never get it.

This post is for you Mr. Tailgate Cleaner Upper.

You, me, the guy next to you, and even his friend too all LOVE the tailgate.  Give us a sport and we will give you a pregame tailgate.  If the home team gives us a victory we’ll give them a post game tailgate too.

Every inch of the grill with be covered with endless amounts of meat.  Cold ones will over flow from an ice cold cooler (and magically the supply will never diminish).  Beer pong tournaments will go right up to kick-off (well almost).   Chips and snacks come from bags bearing the name KING SIZE.  Paints will cover our faces and of course parts of the backseat, door handles, steering wheel, and radio knobs too.

As the hours pass the tailgate only gets better and better.  The worries and stresses of home and the office disappear with each beer opened.  Utopia this surely is.  Why oh why can’t everyday be tailgate day?!?

But this fun comes with a price.  And that price is a crap load of mess.  But you don’t care.  You won’t be cleaning this tailgate up.

So you make the grill grate as black as the charcoal cooking underneath.  Wipe off the BBQ utensils…never!  You take aim for the trash can but too many cold ones means some of that trash is going under car seats.  Give that cooler ice a few hours in the sun and those cold ones will become mildew ones.

Evening will come and the tailgate will unfortunately come to an end.  The game will follow the same path.  All that’s left now is the drive home.

The realities of home and work are drifting back to the forefront.  The final fist pounds and high fives are given and groups become a man of one.  The fun is done.  And sadly the nightmare for Mr. Tailgate Cleaner Upper has just begun.

The hours that should be spent watching Sunday Night Football are instead spent cleaning up after us tailgating slobs.  Brillo pads on the grill, soaking and washing utensils, defunktifying the cooler, stealing the wife’s nail polish remover to remove gobs of face paint from the car, and a utility vacuum going way too late into the evening.

But never forget, without the clean-up there is no next tailgate.  Remember this fact the next time you pull into the stadium lot.

Instead of fighting over the last burger or rib, offer it up to Mr. Tailgate Cleaner Upper.  And don’t ever stop there.  Ensure the man’s hand is never without a beer…in or outside the stadium.  If the man is single, everyone is his wing man.  Spoil this man until the evenings’ final fist pound and high-five.

Mr. Tailgate Cleaner Upper the spotlight is yours.  And most importantly this tailgate is for YOU!

(P.S. – Thanks for always cleaning up Dad!)