Mailbag: More Rules of the Game

First out of the gate, huge kudos to Chris for an epic post, The 12 Written Rules. That post has gotten quite a response and I have gotten a few emails regarding it. None more funny than the one I got from Eric Hampton from Southern California. He wrote in and offered up a few more rules that should have been added to the list. Eric Writes:

Hey guys,

Loved the list of the written rules of attending a sporting event today. I have a few more that I think should be enacted immediately.

  • If you have the cash or the good fortune to sit behind home plate at a baseball game, stop acting like a dick while waving to some moron watching at home when you’re dumb ass happens to appear on television. If you’re caught doing this you will be tossed out or at the very least, back up to the top row where you’re no class ass belongs.
  • If you know nothing about the sport you’re watching just sit back, shut up and enjoy it. No need to open your mouth and share how stupid you are. If you are one of those who thinks they know everything about the sport they are watching…..same goes for you!
  • If you’re going to charge me $8 for a beer, make it a good beer. Don’t give me the one that was poured 15 minutes ago with no head and is watered down, generic piss water. This also means not pouring me a beer that turns out to be 50% head.
  • If you’re desperate enough to have to eat/drink at a stadium, you must know what you want before reaching the mouth breather behind the counter. Come on people, hot dogs, peanuts, nachos, beer, soda. How hard is that? If you can’t figure out what you want during the 20 minutes you spent waiting in line, you’re too stupid to be there. Also, regardless of how much of a big shot you think you are, they are going to charge you for the food. Even though they are robbing you blind, get your money out and be ready to pay. Once again, if the math is too difficult for you to do during you’re long ass wait, you’re too dumb to be there.
  • If you’re the idiot that wears the visiting team’s jersey and stands up and turns around to taunt the home fans around you, you not only deserve to get your ass beat, but should have to pay back the full value of all the beer, nachos and anything else that gets tossed at you.
  • If you are from the east coast and come out to a game in California, you must remember a few rules. First of all, you are no longer on the east coast and nobody cares that you’re from there. Stop telling everyone how much better it is there. If that were the case you would still be there and we all would be thankful. There is a reason California is the most populous state in the Union and it is because everywhere else blows. The next thing you must remember is the Yankees suck! Maybe that’s not a rule but it should be.
  • If you’re going to be sitting next to people, and at some places almost on top of people, remember to follow the American custom of wearing deodorant! That may fly at the World Cup but smelling like you commando crawled the length of the tailgating parking lot to get the stadium gates endears you to nobody.
  • If you are a waste of space, wannabe gang banger who is only at the game to get drunk in the parking lot, pick fights and ruin tailgating for the rest of us……. stick to the Raider games.
  • If you are a woman with NO CLUE about the game, you have a legal obligation to do one or all of the following:
  • 1) Be hot and wear a home team t-shirt that would be considered tight on any 5 year old.
    2) Supply great food and beverage to the tailgate and be happy to do so.
    3) Smile and never ask how much longer the game is.
    4) Drive your drunk ass boyfriend/husband’ butt home afterward.

Hope you enjoyed my list. Also, let me take a moment to give props to the lady on the other day that had the double breast beer bong! Classic.

Despite having a bit of fun making up these new rules, in all seriousness we readers of, fans of sports and parking lot pre-game action, we have the responsibility to not only rock the parking lot like it’s a Jimmy Buffet concert, but to create an atmosphere that makes all welcome. The future of tailgating is in jeopardy right now. More and more, the crack down on tailgating is hitting us all. Whether it be time restrictions, alcohol crack downs, parking space restrictions or grouping all tailgaters with the morons that ruin our image by using the sporting event parking lot as there own gang turf war, we need to stand up for and create a positive image and environment.

Love the blog and keep up the good work.


So there you have it. Feel free to come up with your own set of rules and email them to us or add them in the comments section below.