The Draft Pick Is In

Did anyone else catch Steve Young’s yawn during Friday’s telecast of the NFL draft?  But honestly, could you blame the guy?  The NFL draft was long!  This fan tapped out minutes into Day #3.

As the non-tailgating things often do, the NFL draft got this fan thinking about tailgating.  Each year our favorite NFL teams get the opportunity to pick their future by drafting their ideal player.  So why can’t a tailgater?  What would the ultimate tailgater be and have?  Well, here is one’s fan ideal recruit

  1. Though I am not single,  the ultimate tailgater would be.  The guy would never drag along the significant other.  The guy would never have an urgent need to leave a game or tailgate early.  All his extra cash would be put towards tailgating gear and food.  If there is a new recipe that must be perfected this guy would have the free time to work out the kinks.  In short, this guy’s significant other would be the tailgate.
  2. A nice savings account.  Quality beers cost money.  Quality food costs money.  Quality gear costs money.  This guy would allow you to bring the $3 bag of chips and nothing else but yourself.
  3. A ladies man.  Sure hanging with the guys is fun.  But a smooth talker can bring the passing “eye candy” to your tailgate.  And then make them want to come back for the post-game tailgate.
  4. A really big drive way.  You gotta have somewhere to park the team-colored tailgating bus.
  5. A passport.  The off-season would be spent traveling the world to bring the finest of cigars to the tailgate.  A good lawyer would also be nice if there are some troubles with getting the goods back into the good-old US of A.
  6. A stylish wardrobe.  I am talking about a new jersey each and every week.  Throwbacks, rookies, and unheralded veterans.
  7. A cash filled wallet for parking lot t-shirts and after game gentleman club parties.  Some extra cash would also come in handy if the underdog pick actually performed like an underdog!
  8. A “Mr. Clean” attitude.  The bald head and muscles will make others from messing with your group and the cleanliness means no tailgate clean-up for you!
  9. A college degree, cause where else does one perfect their beer pong skills?
  10. Creativity.  Someone needs to spew the witty remarks to the fans dumb enough to sport the oppositions colors.

And of course being a master cook goes without saying!