Drinking With Duct Tape

ducttape When I first read the news that the NY Jets won’t be selling alcohol at their season / stadium finale I thought “what a crappy way to end the Holiday Season”.  It’s bad enough that’s it’s back to the real world of 9-5 on Monday, but to have no alcohol for 3+ hours is criminal.  How are fans going to drown out Monday reality or get through a game where only one of the teams will most likely playing their starters?!?

But then I had a flashback.  Yes, all the way back to last Sunday.

Our tailgate was over, kick-off was a little over 30 minutes away, and the line to get into the Linc was way too long.  On the bright side, the wait made for some great people watching time.  Two goofballs in particular caught my eye and their actions may prove helpful to a NY Jets fan this coming Sunday.

Fan #1, or probably better referenced as Idiot #1, evidently did not have enough to drink during the pre-game tailgate (even though his bloodshot eyes told a different story).  His proceeding actions could also lead you to believe that the dude was a little short on cash following the holiday season.

What did the guy do?  He took  a newly opened Miller Lite can and stuffed the open, full can of beer into the pocket of his jeans.  He then repeated these actions with his friend’s can of beer.  Of course the majority of the beer spilled out when stuffing the cans in his pockets.  And then HUGE kudos to the security guy doing the pat downs who caught the pocket beers.  Any remaining beer in the cans was lost when the cans were removed.

The best part for us onlookers… the end result was a guy entering the stadium with two beer stains resembling pee stains on the front of his pants (right and left side). If that embarrassment wasn’t enough, having to sit in 30 degree weather with soaked pants had to be the “cake-topper” for this idiotic plan.

Fan #2, well let’s just call him Genius #1.  This guy also had a thirst for some more alcohol once inside the stadium.  But unlike Idiot #1 he still had his senses, and brilliant ones too!  What the man did was tape three mini bottles of alcohol to the inside of his baseball cap with duct tape.  When he reached the front of the security line he spread his arms with the hat extended his is hand, facing forward.  The guard never checked the hat and the duct tape of course held the bottle in place.  Once inside the stadium the tape was removed, a couple sodas were purchased, and some Jack and Cokes were born.  How do I know this last part?  Let’s just say that I went out of my way once inside the concourse area to congratulate the guy.

So when the home team tries to screw over your fun, just get a little creative.  There is a wrong way to do things and of course the duct tape way to do things.  As always being careful with your alcohol consumption!