Off Topic: Top 15 Most Quotable Movies

We guys, and some girls, love to quote classic movies.  By now you have probably already seen or heard about how Kareem Abdul-Jabbar embarrassed himself on Celebrity Jeopardy last Thursday night. If you haven’t seen it or don’t know what we’re talking about, see this clip:

The major embarrassment for Kareem was not that he claimed to be whom the question was about. The real shame is that he himself delivered that famous line while playing “Rodger Murdock” in the movie Airplane!. So in honor of Kareem, we give you the Top 15 Most Quotable Movies complete with some of the most memorable lines and clips from the movies. (By the nature of the movies, some quotes and video clips contain language that is NSFW. Proceed with caution.)

Jimmy was the kind of guy that rooted for bad guys in the movies… Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I’m free the next morning…. Thirty-two hundred dollars he gave me. Thirty-two hundred dollars for a lifetime. It wasn’t even enough to pay for the coffin… Hey, Tommy, if I was gonna break your balls, I’d tell you to go home and get your shine box… If they had been wiseguys, I wouldn’t have heard a thing. I would have been dead…

Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness. So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice… You’ll get nothing and like it…. Oh this is the worst hat I ever seen. What you get a hat like this and it comes with a free bowl of soup? Oh, looks good on you though… You don’t have to go to college. This isn’t Russia. Is this Russia? This isn’t Russia… Ahoy polloi, where did you come from, a scotch ad?… Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it… Gambling is illegal at Bushwood sir, and I never slice… Hey everybody! We’re all gonna get laid!

Wedding Crashers
Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bulls eye… What are you doing? It’s a game of touch football, every time I look over you’re on your ass again… HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF?… Yes, with the Yankees you loose good men to trades and unruly fans… That was my first Asian!… Crab Cakes and football. That’s what Maryland does… Make me a bicycle, clown!

Office Space
Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays… What would you say, you do here?… I’m thinking about taking that new girl from Logistics. Things go well I might be showing her my O face…. Umm, yeah. I’m going to have to go ahead and ask you to come in on Saturday, M’kay?… You see Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care… I’ll tell you what I would do if I had a million dollars, two chicks at the same time.

What kind of a stupid name is that Fogell? What, are you trying to be an Irish R&B singer?… We could be that mistake!… While you guys are over at Dartmouth, I’ll be over at State where the girls are half as smart and twice as likely to felate me… They said that would happen in health class.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
You’re so wise. Like a miniature Buddha, covered with hair… I don’t know how to put this buuuuut, I’m kind of a big deal. People know me… I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly… God no, it smells like, like a used diaper, filled with, Indian food… I’ll have three fingers of Glenlivet, with a little bit of pepper, and some cheese… You are a smelly pirate hooker… Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale’s vagina.

Blazing Saddles
Excuse me while I whip this out… Mongo only pawn in game of life… I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille… Hey, where the white women at… What in the wide, wide world of sports is a-goin’ on here… What’s a dazzling urbanite like you doing in a rustic setting like this?

The Big Lebowski
You brought a Pomeranian bowling?… Phone’s ringing dude… You’re being very undude… I mean, say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, but at least it’s an ethos… You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude… Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please… That rug really tied the room together… Hey, careful, man, there’s a beverage here!

Animal House
Grab a brew. Don’t cost nothing…. It’s not an orgy. It’s a toga party…. They took the BAR! The WHOLE F*CKING BAR!… That boy is a P-I-G pig!… Well, from now on they are on Double Secret Probation!… My advice to you, start drinking heavily… You better listen to him flounder, he’s in Pre-Med… You guys playing cards?… Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son… Do you mind if we dance with yo dates?

National Lampoon’s Vacation
Um, excuse me Holmes. We’re from out of town… DOG KILLER!… Oh are you happy now Clark? She’s deaf… Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?… Sorry folks, park’s closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya… This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy!… 

Dumb and Dumber
That John Denver guy is full of shit man… So you’re saying there’s a chance… Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this,  and totally redeem yourself!… Kick his ass Seabass!… Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense… We can be classy and sophistic – Oh check out the funbags on that hosehound… Mary, I desperately wanna make love to a school boy… Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention… I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

Old School
You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen year old girls everyday?… You’re my boy, Blue!… No it’s cool man, bring your green hat! We’re going streaking!… I’m just proving a point. You don’t have to celebrate it, Frank…We are going to get so much ass here, it’s going to be sick. I’m talking like crazy boy band ass… What? What I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest, were we not?… Hey, hey. Careful with that. That’s the most powerful tranq gun on the market. Got her in Mexico…  Honey, you think KFC is still open?

Wyatt, I’m rolling… Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me?… Why Kate, you’re not wearing a bustle. How lewd… Maybe poker’s just not your game Ike. I know! Let’s have a spelling contest… It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds… I have two guns, one for each of ya… Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Get that finger out of your ear. You don’t know where that finger’s been… How about this leaflet, “Famous Jewish Sports Legends?”… It was a rough place – the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It’s worse than Detroit… Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue… Where did you get that dress, it’s awful, and those shoes and that coat, jeeeeez!… Joey, have you ever seen a grown man naked?… I am serious and don’t call me Shirley…

You’re so money and you don’t even know it…Fine, I’ll ask her. Ma’am, where do the high school girls hang out around here?… Who’s the big winner here at the casino tonight?… I’ll take the pancakes in the Age of Enlightenment… Our little baby’s all growns up… I want you to remember this face, here. Okay? This is the guy behind the guy, behind the guy… You’re like a big bear, man!… You better replace the pin, Chi-Chi. The natives look restless… This place is dead anyway.

I am sure I will get quite a few comments and emails questioning why a certain movie was left off the list and why a particular one was included. Keep in mind I had originally intended to only do 10 movies but expanded it to 15. Leave your suggestions for those movies left off the list in the comments section and we’ll put together a part II soon.

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24 thoughts to “Off Topic: Top 15 Most Quotable Movies”

  1. Good list but you left out the best line in Animal House–“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor! No!. . .”

    Also a lot of quotes from The Wizard of Oz–“Are you a good witch or a bad witch. . .” “And Toto, too? And Toto, too!” “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my. . .”

  2. Rich – Many of the classic lines from these movies were left out from the text intentionally because they were delivered in the video clip that accompanies the movie section. Bluto’s classic speech about the German’s bombing Pearl Harbor is in that video clip.

  3. From Dumb and Dumber
    “We landed on the Moom!!!!”

    “Slappy, Swammy, Swanson….. Samsonite I was way oof, I knew it started with an S.”

  4. Good list for people 15 and younger. No great films before the 1980s? No great comedy lines from the Marx Brothers, W.C, Fields, the 5os 60s 70s?

  5. Great List, but you should’ve gone to twenty & added these 5:
    Major League – “Just a bit outside”
    Bull Durham – “Candlesticks make a nice gift”
    Happy Gilmore – “Price is wrong bitch”
    Ace Ventura – “Lace out Marino”
    Outside Providence – “How many people named Drugs could you possibly associate with?”

  6. Oh ya, goodfellas, first line out of the gate “for as long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”

    Also, Airplane has so many great ones that you left out, but that’s the entire movie so I can’t really blame ya there…

  7. Dude, how did you forget Smokey and the Bandit? Bout 10 great lines there.

    “When I get home, I’m gonna punch yo mama right in the mouth”


  8. Blues Brothers? “I hate Illinois nazis.” “Glue…strong stuff”. “You traded the blues mobile for a microphone?” “we’re on a mission from God.” “Four whole fried chickens and a coke…and some dry white toast.” “As usual, I have to take an IOU”. “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re weaing sunglasses. Hit it!”

    Ferris Bueller? “Pardon my french, but Cameron is so tight, if shoved a lump of coal up his ass in two weeks you’d have a diamond.” “You wear too much eye makeup. My sister wears to much eye makeup. People think she is a whore.” “I don’t believe in Beatles, I just believe in me. That was john Lennon. He was the walrus. I could be the walrus and I’d still have to bum rides off of people.” “Your Abe Froman…the sausage king of Chicago? Yep, that’s me.” “well with your bad back Ed, you shouldn’t be throwing anyone.” “How about you come down here and kiss my big ‘ol white butt? Pucker up buttercup.” “What’s the score? Nuthin’ Nuthin”. Who’s winning? The Bears.”
    And about 20 more I don’t have time to type out. How do these not make the list?

  9. How about Christmas Vacation: “Sh!tter was full” or “If that cat had 9 lives, it just used them all” or the classic “Dad, how did you get through the holidays? I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels!”

  10. Gotta love Slapshot – “Puttin’ on the foil, coach.” “None of that stinkin’ root beer.” “F’in Crisler plant, here I come.” “Johnny always says you can only drink so much and screw so much.” “You guys brothers?” “What’d the old man trade for these guys, a used puck bag?” I could go on and on…….

  11. Totally agree that Major League should have made it on somehow. “You trying to tell me Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?”

  12. Nice list, but I’ll add a classic
    “Made him an offer he couldn’t refuse”
    “Luca Brazi sleeps with the fishes”
    “May your first grand child be a masculine child”
    “I don’t want my brother coming out of the bathroom with just his d*^& in his hand”

    Of course, Mario Puzo’s “The Godfather”

  13. Great list, but one glaring omission: Major League. “Just a bit outside”, “Up your butt JoBu”, “Hey bartender, Jobu needs a refill”, What league you been playing in? California Penal. Never heard of it.”, “You may run like Mays, but you hit like s@#!”
    One other omission: Bull Durham. “Candlesticks always make a nice gift”, “Your shower shoes have fungus on them. When you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back on your shower shoes and the press will think you’re colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, it just means you’re a slob.”
    Also agree that Godfather should be on there

  14. Why is Ghostbusters not on any of these quotable lists?

    It has to be at least in the top ten if not the number one

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