We’ve all seen the movie Baseketball. The made up sport where distractions (referred to as psych outs in the movie) are an integral part of the game in order to induce the opponent to miss. The same thing goes when it comes to beer pong. Distractions are not only allowed in beer pong but are highly encouraged. The Book of Beer Pong: The Official Guide to the Sport of Champions says so, so it has to be true, right?
Football season is coming and that means tailgating and of course beer pong. Here is the definitive list of beer pong distractions for the unique environment that is tailgating.
1) Sexy Time – Nothing distracts a red blooded American male (or any straight male for that matter) more than boobs and butts. Apologies to the male players playing against female teams but this distraction only works one way. Guys, please keep your shirts on… please. Beer pong players can be Superman but a nice rack (in an over matched tank top not on the other side of the beer pong table) is Kryptonite. Men can not look away and resist much like a moth can not resist flying into a 100 watt bulb. It’s nature and there is nothing you can do about it. Ladies, wiggle, jiggle and even take it off to distract your male opponents. Just try not to lose your balance when twerking because that’s just embarrassing.
2) Creepy 1000 Yard Stare – If the previous beer pong distraction was specifically for the girls, this one is for the guys. Women are accustomed to being looked at and checked out while tailgating but not to the point it makes them uncomfortable. If men get “busted” checking out a girl’s attributes, he will look away in embarrassment once she catches him. As a beer pong distraction, use this to your advantage and make your female opponent uncomfortable by staring at her most attractive features. Try not to blink while doing it. It will not be overtly noticeable but just like in the movie The Silence of the Lambs, you subconsciously see Hannibal Lecter never blinks. To make it even more unnerving, finger your belly button through your shirt or move your hand in your pocket near your junk right next to the beer pong rack so there is no escaping the creepyness.
3) Waving Hands – We’ve all seen during a basketball game, the student section behind the backboard waving their hands or sweeping their arms in one direction as soon as the shooter releases the ball. Same concept applies to beer pong. Wave your hands over the tops of the cups (without touching the cups) and remove them after the ball leaves your opponent’s hand. Waving your hands behind the beer pong table is a good one too. Just be cognitive of when the shooter is about to throw so you can sweep your hands to one direction rapidly in order to induce the shooter to throw off target.
4) Shooting out of turn – Nothing unnerves a beer pong player more than when they think the other player is gaining an advantage. Keep a beer pong ball in your hand and when your opponent is about to throw, fake like it is your turn and you are about to throw. People tend to focus on items they think are being thrown at them so they can block the projectile. More than likely, they will see your throwing motion and focus more on if the ball will hit their cups or possibly hit them in the eye than hitting the Bitch Cup.
5) But first, let me take a selfie – Selfies. We all hate them. When you see some self-absorbed woman taking a selfie, you get that sick feeling in your stomach when you see some pathetic fan trying to get his section to start “The Wave“. When your opponent is about to shoot their ball, pull out your mobile phone and pose for a selfie right behind the targeted cups. Bonus distraction points if you pull a duck face and a fake gang sign. Guys you can do this too and this might be even more distracting based on how ridiculous you look.
6) Say CHEESE! – Keep your camera phone out and this time turn it on your opponent. Many people are camera shy and do not like getting their picture taken. (Take note of the people always taking selfies of themselves while tailgating. This technique will not work on them.) Ask them to smile or exclaim, “I am so tagging you on Instagram” while they shoot. Their nervousness of looking bad on social media will only be matched by their errant shot looking worse.
7) The Two Girls Kissing – Much like distraction No. 1, this one can only be pulled off by two female teammates. Guys will stop anything they are doing if they think two girls will start making out. Even if you don’t want to kiss your girl friend, fake like you will (the Fake Out) and that will make your opponent pause before shooting. Even after the real or fake kiss, do you really think your opponent is thinking about making the next shot?
8) The Slam Dunk – This isn’t really a distraction but more of a last resort. If you are losing and none of your distractions have worked, taking a running flying leap across the table and slam dunking your ball into one of the cups is a sure fire way to end the game in a blaze of glory. Sure, you will lose the game but make sure a friend has their camera phone rolling to catch this epic end. What’s more important? Winning a game of beer pong before getting frisked by security at the stadium gates? Or having a classic video and stories to tell for the next 10 years at future tailgates? We thought so.
If you have a go-to beer pong distraction that works like a charm, feel free to share it in the comments below.
