If you were to assemble a Cornhole team that could go undefeated for years and years without ever facing a serious competitor, who would you pick to be on the team? Well, don’t think too hard about it because through sheer determination and a lengthy analysis, I found people who, through a diverse range of skills, would form the undisputed Cornhole All-Star Team.
Image courtesy of Pats PropagandaRob Gronkowski – Picking Gronk for the Cornhole All-Star team was probably the easiest and most obvious choice. Have you seen that touchdown spike? He’d have an unconventional toss, but I don’t think anyone would be able to slam the bag into the hole quite like Gronk. He would also be the team captain, considering his outgoing demeanor, and the fact that he loves to party. The chemistry he would bring to the team would be unprecedented in Cornhole leagues. During squabbles, he’d tell everyone to shut up and shotgun a beer with him. Now that’s a true leader, and one of the big reasons Gronk gets our pick for the Cornole All Star team.
Image courtesy of MLB.comAroldis Chapman – You didn’t see this one coming did you? The Cincinnati Reds star pitcher is a surprise pick for the Cornhole All-Star team, considering his anonymity outside of hardcore baseball circles. But, the guy is a flamethrower. He can sling a baseball over 100 mph consistently. No competitor is going to want to play him with bags flying at their heads at 100 mph. That’s a guy I want on my Cornhole team. Like Gronk, he’s going to have a weird tossing style, but if anyone can sling the bag into the hole every single time, it’s going to be Chapman.
Image courtesy of The Sporting NewsSteph Curry – The NBA champ and MVP! If anyone knows how to win, it’s Curry. Plus have you seen that jump shot? Oh my God. If he decided to take his talents to Cornhole, it’d be the next major North American sport. You can see why I picked him for the Cornhole All Star team. If he can’t miss a 3-pointer from 60 feet out, how’s he ever going to miss the hole in Cornhole? Obviously he’ll use that talent for a throwing motion much different than Gronk and Chapman. Steph’s finesse and fluidity will be the perfect complement to his other teammates’ pure power and strength.
Image courtesy of The Tucson CitizenJennie Finch – You may remember Jennie as one of the best softball pitchers in U.S. history. She led the Americans to a gold medal in 2004 and a silver medal in 2008. Like Chapman, Jennie’s got a rocket for an arm, but because of her experience mowing down hitters in softball, her technique is better fitted for Cornhole. That underhand slingshot style is perfect for the later rounds of a Cornhole tournament, bringing back a more traditional Cornhole toss for crunch time.
Image courtesy of USA TODAYMark Cuban – Mark Cuban rounds out the Cornhole All Star team. While not at his physical peak, Cuban brings trash-talking to a whole new level. He makes his opponents cry in the NBA, on Shark Tank and in every single market he conquers. You’ve got to have a guy like that on your team to get into your competitors’ heads. Cuban also has the savvy and charisma to find a way to motivate his team all the way to every championship. Plus, he can throw back beers with the best of them.
Who would you pick for your Cornhole All-Star team? What skills would be the most important? Let us know in the comments!
(This is a post by Dan Stern of East Coast Cornhole. Dan attended college at the University of Maryland where he perfected his tailgating style and his cornhole technique. He currently owns and operates the website eccornhole.com offering unique and customized cornhole sets for sale.)
