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The 12 Written Rules

Posted by Chris On June - 27 - 2009

fan_eye_candy.JPGI have no doubt that some of you will agree.  I have no doubt that some of you will disagree.  Here’s hoping the agreeing is in the majority!

I was reading my local newspaper earlier this week (yes, I am one of the few that still actually reads and gets a newspaper) and came across a listing of rules for fan behavior while down at the ballpark. Of course the column generated a lot of responses and even some ideas for better rules.

Below are some of my favorite responses and some new ones from the mind of this writer…enjoy!

  1. If you catch a foul ball, you are entitled to one complimentary lap dance at the local gentleman’s club.
  2. Gloves at the stadium are to be worn by kids only.  If you are a grown man, be a man and stick your bare hand out there!
  3. fans_doing_the_wave.jpgDo not be the fan that starts “the wave.”  Fans who sit behind home plate and start or participate in the wave should be immediately ushered from the stadium.
  4. No personalized Jerseys.  You don’t play for the team, they aren’t calling you in from the bullpen.  It’s as silly as A-Rod or Ryan Howard wearing your employer’s name badge.  Show your support with a jersey of your favorite current player or rock a throw back jersey of your favorite old timer.
  5. No throwing home run balls hit by the opposition back on the field.  If you don’t want it, make a little kid’s day and give it away (or if you prefer see rule #1).
  6. eagles_fans_nose_bleed_seats.jpgIf you are seated in the upper levels, stop screaming to the ump about balls and strikes.  He doesn’t hear you and you are just annoying everyone around you.
  7. When you scream commentary or opinions, be funny.  If the fan is indeed funny, the fan’s row starts a collection and buys the fan a complimentary beer.
  8. If you are at a baseball game, support the team on the field.  No football cheers or wearing football jerseys.  If you don’t have baseball gear, hit up the t-shirt guy in the parking lot.
  9. If you are lucky enough to sit behind home plate, you must give the usher your cell phone prior to sitting down in your seat.  Nothing is more annoying than watching a game on TV and having to watch fans talk or text on their cell phone (ok, maybe those same fans waving is more annoying).
  10. When entering the stadium with a jersey on, the ticket collector should ask you a set of 3 questions regarding the player whose jersey you are wearing.  If you get more than one incorrect answer you are banned from the park.  If you nail all 3 questions you get a free beer!
  11. If the home team is losing, the ballpark TVs are to show nothing but the best of the day’s “eye candy.”  We fans have to get our money’s worth somehow.
  12. No leaving the game early. (that includes you Dodger fans!) If you leave early you must present your reason to the fans in your row/section. They will determine approval to leave.

Hopefully these rules gave you a few chuckles.  Please share your creativity and add to the list of rules!

EDITOR NOTE: A list of 8 more rules in response to these was emailed in by a reader. Those rules were so good they deserved their own post. Read it HERE.

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2 Responses to “The 12 Written Rules”

  1. tigerfan1965 says:

    These Rule Rock!! Especially #1 & #11.

  2. Personalized jerseys have always bugged the shit outta me. Glad I’m not the only one.

    Oh, and I strongly agree with rule #1. In fact, if anybody can come up with any more lap dance-related rules, I’d be all for those too.

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