In a world this big, you are bound to run into some annoying people. Even while tailgating there are people who are going to annoy you. That’s why we came up with the list of The 14 Tailgaters Who Annoy the Crap Out of You and even 10 More Annoying Tailgaters. (We even found The 10 Most Annoying People You Meet At A Super Bowl Party) Now that football season is in full swing, we found a few more annoying tailgaters to add to the lists. They are:
The “Pig Pen” – Call him clumsy. Call him inconsiderate. No matter what you call him you will definitely be calling your cleaners after encountering this douche bag. This guy always manages to spill beer on you or accidentally grazes his ketchup soaked hamburger across your brand new jersey. He tends to drink twice as much as everyone else (mainly because he spills half his beer all the time) and then likes to hug you or pat you on the back with his greasy and mustard stained hands. Your dry cleaning bill is typically on par with your game ticket when Pig Pen gets invited.
The Ticketless Partier – As the name would suggest, this guy shows up to the tailgate party without a ticket. He will berate others who apparently didn’t get the memo that paying for tickets is just lining the pockets of “the man”. He boasts how once the game starts he’ll be down the street at the local sports bar watching it for free. Or he is choosing to stay behind to keep the beer company and make sure no one steals the grill. At the conclusion of the game you can find him passed out, leaning against the back bumper because one of the ticket holding tailgaters took the car keys inside.
Out of Town Jersey Wearer – You are tailgating the Florida/Georgia game yet you see Ohio State, Oklahoma and even Florida State jerseys roaming the parking lot. They always explain away their choice of wardrobe by saying, “I’m a big fan of XYZ Team but I’m a college football fan first”. Last time I checked, your team is playing the same time the game you are tailgating kicks off. Take your ass to a sports bar because you are missing “your team” playing.
Mr. Forgetful – Here’s a tailgater who always volunteers to bring something, yet never actually remembers to bring it. There is nothing worse than showing up to the tailgate to find out Mr. Forgetful has forgotten to bring the propane tanks or even worse, the keg tap. You invariably have to walk two miles to get another propane tank just so you can cook the $75 in meat you did not forget to bring. When handing out duties on what to bring to the tailgate, it’s better to assign Mr. Forgetful something small and non-important that you probably won’t miss anyway.
The “can’t leave my pet at home” guy – This guy brings his dog/bird/snake or other exotic creature to the game and hopes that it will get women to notice him. Not sure if this loser even goes to the game or what he does with the animal while he does, but putting a bandanna or jersey on your dog doesn’t make you cool. It just makes you another one of the tailgaters we need to avoid. Joan Embry called and she needs her Cockatiel back to do a cameo on the Tonight Show.
Car Club Guy – This tool confuses the football game for one of his car club parking lot staging points. He polishes up his classic VW or lowered truck and heads out to the game. Unarmed with a grill or food, he simply opens all the doors to his after market add-on special and turns on music as loud as he can. The music is usually bad but who can tell at the level he plays it since it is simply a rave siren to get people to look at him. To this guy I would like to say mission accomplished. We all see you and think you’re a helmet!
The Senior Citizen Tailgaters – This is the worst group to pull up next to. Invariably the music you are playing is always inappropriate and way too loud. Hey grandma, just because you have a Bob Hope Invitational blanket laid out and a thermos full of white wine doesn’t make you a tailgater. Take off the sweater/windbreaker combo on the 90 degree day and shuffle that new hip back to the country club.
The “Hey, should I go get something” guy – This dork is either a true rookie tailgater or just a seasoned veteran moocher. He usually limps in just in time to eat after all the set up work has been done. When you, the host, are just about ready to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your hours of tailgating labor, he gives you the same look the mutt in the last kennel cage gives the day before being put down. He then mumbles about going to get something to eat, accompanied with the fake pocket searching for his keys.
Restraining order guy – This is the guy who is a total nerd with no game whatsoever and is parked across from you and guests. After a dose of liquid courage this guy now believes that he has the invite to hit on every woman that supports the same team he does. He uses his new team ball cap worn off center as a pass into your tailgate and proceeds to annoy the crap out of you. Not to be outdone, his buddy stays back at his own spot but under the false cloak of dark glasses, stares at your female guests like a lion stalking a gazelle.
The “who invited that guy?” guy – This one is hard to spot but can be found at all sorts of events. He’s that guy that just appears. You don’t know him. You didn’t invite him. Yet there he is usually lurking on the outer fringe of the tailgate group. He counts on everyone thinking he is a friend of somebody else’s long enough to score a couple of beers, some free food and the feeling of belonging for the afternoon. C’mon, you’ve seen him… male in his 40’s, overweight and wearing apparel that was way too tight for him 20 years ago. Sadly his gear was out of style then also.
The Technology Geek – This one is spreading fast amongst the dorks of the world and has invaded the tailgate scene. This is the adult who spends the entire tailgate session with his face buried in the newest “i-whatever” that has come out. Rather than enjoying the moment, he taps his calloused thumbs with the speed and precision of a 15 year old girl who just got asked to the prom. He’ll update his Facebook status seven times before you even light the grill. He will have brought on the Twitter “Fail Whale” by himself. Rather than interacting with the people right in front of him he feels compelled to share every inane detail about the tailgate with his electronic friends. Don’t worry, he’ll be bringing that contraption into the game so he can tweet play-by-play to his four followers.
Note: Mike “the Beer Guy” contributed to this post. Read his beer reviews HERE.
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